Betta

Nothing really new to report, except that I met two girls that could possibly turn into friends in the near future. Emily was sitting in the back of anatomy class, and I a row ahead of her. Some douchbag was sitting two seats away from her talking to someone about how he'd never date a fat girl. Emily isn't necessarily fat, but she seems to be big boned, and I instantly felt resentment and cringed at how high school could so prominently be carried on to college by some people. When we were told to get into groups for a lab, I paired up with all the oldies. For some reason, I just feel more comfortable with older people...I know that they are there to do their work and they just seem more polite. Actually I feel like I should add that I am not in any way acting as if I am better then people. I am probably the most miserable looking one in my classes-and I really don't mean it. I have been told by many people I sit there and send off a message saying "don't bother me." I remember in Impact I was involved in a girls group, and one of the leaders had to keep me after, telling me that all the girls were scared of me and thought I hated them. This was really hard to hear because I really loved those girls, and I never ever wanted them, or anyone, to be scared of me. I think I am just shy, and have a naturally mean look? That's kinda sad. Anyway. Emily asked if she could join our group. We did blood pressures, and I decided to just shut the voice up in my head that kept saying that I was going to speak something dumb and that I looked gross, and decided to ask her name and what she was majoring in. As fate would have it, she was going for sonography too! She was really sweet and we talked a lot. Then another lab partner, Melissa, chimed in. We talked about how mean the professor is (hey, we gotta start conversation somehow right?) and how we should get together sometime. This is the hard part for me..following through. There are so many people I would love to spend time with and become good friends with, I just don't make an effort. So for now on I will start with smiling in class and not looking so nasty. I just know things will work out. I have an amazing boyfriend and a tremendous hope for wonderful friends in the future.